NES Empire Strikes Back (Part 1) - Get off your butt, Han!

I beat the NES Star Wars game, so can I beat this one here? I’ve played it before and I couldn’t last a minute without dying. It wasn’t a matter of getting lost in endless caves – it was just a matter of dying a lot. It didn’t take me long to rage-quit.

But now I’ve got this blog and a new set of confidence, so COME AT ME, NES ESB! I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU!

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Oh, before we start, just so we’re clear, I’m not going to be playing multiple versions of the same game for this blog unless there are really significant differences between the versions. I know the NES Star Wars was also ported to the Game Boy, Sega Master System, and Game Gear, but from what I’ve heard, all four versions are pretty much the same except for a few minor tweaks here and there. However, since the Game Boy Advance versions of the Lego Star Wars games are completely different from the main versions, I will be (eventually) covering them in this blog along with the main version. Got it? Good.

Well, you start off the game as Luke riding a taun-taun, but almost immediately Han shouts at you to go check out the meteor. So . . . now it’s Han’s fault that Luke gets lost? Seriously? In the movie Luke chose to go after the meteor (probe droid) himself. Also, Han looks like he’s wearing his ROTJ trench coat, or at least it looks like that pic was taken from a ROTJ still.



Ah well, that’s my inner geek talking. Anyway, you have zero time to get used to the taun-taun controls before the probe droid attacks you. Fortunately, it just takes a few hits to destroy it, then a few steps later, you run into Obi-Wan’s ghost, accompanied by his actual voice saying “Luke!”



Well, voices are a pretty rare thing in NES games, so that’s actually pretty neat, even if it’s just one word. However, the rest of the audio doesn’t fare very well. For some reason, it only comes in five-second bursts of short themes from the movie, followed by silence, followed by another five-second burst of music. I’m not kidding. Seriously, there’s more music on the pause menu than in the actual game. When you pause the game, you get a neat 8-bit rendition of the cantina music that DOESN’T drop out after five seconds.

Anyway, you go down into a cave and fight your way through monsters. One improvement this game DOES have over the original Star Wars game is that the enemies drop health hearts after you kill them. If you don’t get hopelessly lost, you’ll find your first “Force Power” which lets Luke jump higher if he crouches down for a few seconds. You need this power to navigate through the cave.



And of course, you have to kill TWO probe droids at a time, more than once. And of course, there are tiny ice floes you have to ride on and of COURSE landing in water damages your health. Maybe Luke’s getting hypothermia. I’m also finding the controls pretty slippery, but that might just be because I’m on ice.

Wait, isn’t Luke supposed to have a lightsaber?

Oh CRAP, I missed the lightsaber. Now it’s either fight back through the cave or start the game over. I guess since I’m near the beginning, I might as well start over. Off to GameFAQ to make sure I don’t miss the lightsaber.

Why did he leave his lightsaber hidden away in a Hoth cave anyway? Well, started over, got the lightsaber, and apparently I was wrong about the super jump being a Force power – even the taun-taun can do it. Imagine the taun-tauns in the movie jumping around. The Force power you collect DOES enhance your jumps, though. Anyway, Luke’s lightsaber is now a reddish orange color – why don’t these game developers know what color Luke’s lightsaber is? It also makes a lame screech sound, which is weird since the previous Star Wars game replicated a lightsaber sound pretty well.



Eventually Obi-Wan reappears and tells you to use your Force power to defeat the Wampas . . . wait, Wampas? Plural? Shit, this should be fun.



At first the Wampa killed me over and over, but the walkthrough had a nifty little hint. Jump over the Wampa when it attacks, then quickly duck into this little nook where it can’t harm you. Swing your lightsaber at it over and over until it dies. Looks like Luke won’t get hung upside-down for dinner after all (sorry that the screencap looks like the taun-taun's broken into pieces).



Out of the cave and Han calls Luke to tell him that the “meteor” is a probe droid. Well, thanks for that, Han. Are you gonna shoot it like you did in the movie? No? You’re keeping your lazy ass all nice and warm at the base and letting Luke do the hard work? You nerfherder!



So anyway, more cave exploring and collecting more Force powers. By the way, if you land in the water while on your taun-taun, it dies instantly and its bones briefly break apart into the water. It goes by too quickly for me to get a screencap of it, but it’s a pretty hilariously gruesome sight.

Eventually a second Wampa attacks, this one with more health than the last one, but there’s a strategy for this one too. Just cut a space in the ice blocks big enough for you but not for him, and stand under the blocks while slicing him to bits.



After defeating the second Wampa, shoot the ice blocks into a staircase, head right, and you’re at the GREAT BIG BADASS BOSS PROBE DROID!



This battle’s actually pretty tedious. You can super-jump over its laser fire and whack it with your lightsaber, but it takes FOREVER to destroy the thing. It looks like this one didn’t have a self-destruct like the one Han shot. It would also be nice if there were, you know, some epic boss battle music instead of those five-second bursts of music and then silence.

After you FINALLY destroy it, Han calls you again, being his usual useful self, and tells you that you were too late and the probe droid notified the Empire that you’re here.



Han, I love you, but are you planning on actually DOING anything in this game?

Well, time for the Battle of Hoth, which seems like a good time to take a break. See you next time.