Liesel Plays Star Wars Games

Welcome back to Super Return of the Jedi! Now that we’ve played Wicket for a few levels, it’s time to go back to our normal heroes. We begin the next level with Luke telling Leia about their heritage.



Luke is the only playable character in the next level – he’s going off to turn himself in. Now it’s nighttime on Endor and it’s PRETTY!



I especially like how you can see the Death Star in the background. It also feels good to be a spinning death machine again with Luke’s lightsaber, though of course the level still doesn’t make things easy. You’ve got to jump and jump again on these movie platforms and if you miss, you hit the moving wheel-thing and lose health.



And of course, it doesn’t get easier when you get to the top and find yourself surrounded by stormtroopers, electrocuting walls, and laser turrets. But hey, it’s a nice bridge.



This level is a MAZE, going from bridge to forest to bridge and up and down moving platforms. You’ll probably find yourself running into dead ends, but at least there are plenty of hearts around.

Also, Luke sometimes shrugs when he stands idle, but it’s not as awesome as Han’s shrug, of course.



And I don’t know why, but I found these blue lights pretty funny.



After riding a lot of moving platforms, it will suddenly get darker and you’ll run into the boss.



Those two droids look menacing, but the actual boss is the ship, so that’s what you’ve gotta focus on slicing up. If you have the Heal Force-skill selected and use that when necessary, the ship should go down without too much trouble.

And hey look, finally Lando gets to do something in one of these games!



Not gonna lie, this next level’s kind of awkward. It’s yet another one of those shoot-TIEs vehicle levels, but instead of being in the cockpit, the camera’s positioned on TOP of the Falcon.



You’ve got to rotate the camera to rotate the Falcon’s top gun and shoot a certain number of TIEs. Yeah, at the time this would have been impressive to see, but now it just feels weird. Fortunately, it’s not a long level, and then we go back to Endor.



Gah, what’s with the lighting in that picture? It’s like the bunker’s sepia-toned. Anyway, if you pick Leia for this level, she’ll be in her fighting garb – and she can finally use a blaster!



Maybe the game developers wanted to make up for her not being playable in the previous two games by granting her the honor of being the only playable character with THREE different outfits in the same game. Anyway, I just wanted to show you that. After I took this screenshot, I reloaded my save state and picked my beloved Han.

The bunker is of course full of stuff that wants to murder you, but that’s to be expected by now. Stormtroopers, electric fences, hostile droids, and lots of gun turrets. Funny thing, when you shoot one of the big guns, it sits there smoking until you leave.



Once again, you’ve got a shit-ton of moving platforms to ride and while you’re riding you pass by cannons that shoot fire at you because why not? The Empire really, REALLY doesn’t want you here. You’ll also run into these annoying walls that you have to shoot through. Hopefully you’ll have found some blaster powerups by the time you get to them.



If you manage to get through the maze of moving platforms and enemies, you’ll find a speed powerup that sends you going SUPER fast, which is hilarious to watch, but it doesn’t protect you from getting hurt. Finally you’ll find yourself standing on one of those destructible floors with a convenient arrow showing you what to do.



After blasting through the floor, you’ll find yourself spinning around on a giant wheel.



You spin Han right round baby, right round, like a record baby, right round, right round . . . oops, did I say that out loud? Well, Han actually gets sent off on a whole SERIES of wheels, each of which has a big gun in the middle that you have to take out and a helpful arrow showing you which way to go.



After the maze of wheels, guess what, you’re in a maze of TOWERS. Enter a tower and it transports you to another tower, always guarded by enemies – though you can use the respawning enemies to your advantage if you keep killing them and collecting the hearts they drop.



And guess what? After the towers, you get . . . MORE WHEELS! It’s almost like the Empire doesn’t want you to blow up the shield generator or something!

You think that’s enough? Of COURSE it’s not enough! Then you run down a hallway where there periodically shoot GIANT LASERS that electrocute you like there’s no tomorrow – in addition to smaller laser gates that ALSO electrocute you. Fortunately, if you manage to get through it alive, there’s a large heart and a blaster powerup waiting for you, but getting through the hallway alive is a challenge. Hopefully you have full health when you start.

The boss is – you guessed it – the shield generator itself. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a screenshot, but this thing looks super-menacing with a GIANT LASER, and you’ve got to fight it WHILE hopping around on constantly moving platforms. Fortunately, it’s really vulnerable to Han’s grenades, so if you’ve stocked up a bunch of them, it shouldn’t be too hard.

Well, now that the shield is down, it’s time to join Luke inside the Death Star to confront Vader and Palpatine. We’re almost at the end!

I shouldn’t even have to say at this point that everyone and everything in the Death Star want you dead. The stormtroopers and hostile droids apparently didn’t get the memo about how Vader wants to turn Luke to the dark side. Anyway, after fighting your way through a wave of enemies, you’ve got to jump your way through these platforms.



Looks simple, but most of them SINK DOWN as soon as you step on them, so you’ve got to have lightning-fast jumping. Also, as you jump up, you’ll be able to collect LOTS of health swords than increase your maximum heath. While that may seem like a blessing, that’s also a sign that you’ll NEED them.

Like for example, you’ll need them for . . . THESE things.



These droids are huge, they’re relentless, and they take a billion hits to kill. Make sure you have full health and the Heal Force skill selected and pray that you’re faster than them. Fortunately, they end the level. Now it’s time to join Lando on the Falcon again.



This is one of those simple “shoot X number of enemies” vehicle levels, with some nice Mode-7 to boot.



You’ve got to fly around the Death Star’s surface and shoot twenty TIEs before they get you. Fortunately, most of them drop hearts when you kill them, so this level shouldn’t be too hard. Afterwards, it’s finally time for Luke to face Emperor Palpatine himself.



Palpatine’s theme sounds nice and creepy in its 16-bit rendition too. Anyway, even though Palpatine just talked to Luke, since this is a video game, Luke still needs to get to the throne room. Compared to some of the other levels, it’s not too too hard to get through – the way is pretty straightforward and the enemies are numerous but manageable, especially since there are big hearts placed fairly frequently.

Of course, there are still a bunch of elevators to ride and a bunch of tiny platforms to hop on – and wherever there’s a door, it’s guaranteed that an endless wave of stormtroopers will come out.



You’ve got to keep going up, and up, and UP – Palpatine’s throne room is at the tippy-top of this seemingly-endless tower, but you feel a rush while doing so since you’re so close to victory.

Eventually you’ve got to face ANOTHER one of those giant droids. Oh crap.



You can’t outrun it, either – it will just keep following you. Your only choice is to kill it. Yeah, good luck with that. The level doesn’t end after you kill it, either. Instead you go a little ways forward, hear Palpatine cackle in the distance, and run into one of his guards.



Why is the guard’s robe purple instead of red? Did the programmers decide it fit better with the level’s color scheme? Ah well, the important thing is that it’s not hard to kill. THAT’S the end of the level, and woo boy, we’re almost there! Almost there!

Now Luke needs to face more guards – and now they’re in their proper red robes, so I don’t know why that one guy was wearing purple. Maybe he’s a rogue guard or something.



The guards will jump you REALLY fast and they can slide from side to side in the blink of an eye, so you have to be on your toes. You can slice open the little containers that look like trash cans and hope they have refills of your Force meter, because you’ll REALLY need that Heal skill to face . . . DARTH VADER HIMSELF!



His fighting pattern is pretty similar to his pattern in the ESB game – he’ll jump up in the air, land, then start swinging his lightsaber around. Keep swinging at him and keep healing and he’ll go down.



Of course, then Palpatine starts taunting Luke and Luke snaps out of it, which means now you’ve got to fight the mighty Emperor himself.



As you can imagine, Palpatine is a bitch to beat. He flies through the air shooting lightning in all directions. You’d BETTER heal whenever you’re low on health or you’re doomed. You’d also BETTER not waste those Force power refills in those trash can things. Moreover, his lightning can even zap holes in the floor that you can fall through. If he zaps enough, you won’t have anywhere to stand. It takes quite a few tries, but MAN, is it satisfying when you finally beat him. Oh YEAH, take that, Sidious! Fall down that shaft only to be reincarnated thirty years later!



Of course, then poor Anakin’s got to die too.



But the game’s not over yet. We’ve still got to blow up the second Death Star, remember? Now it’s time to go inside the Death Star in a 3-D Mode-7 perspective. It’s pretty neat, but unfortunately, the emulator I’m using is causing the screen to flicker every few seconds, so I can’t provide a screenshot. It’s still playable, though, and it’s still neat to see something so ambitious. This level is extremely straightforward – just fly through the Death Star while shooting TIEs. Of course, once you’ve hit the core, then you’ve gotta get out before the thing blows.



Here it is. The LAST level. It’s just like the previous level – except everything’s on fire and the fire’s going to catch up to you unless you’re super-fast. I’ve got the same screen-flickering issue as in the previous level, so no screenshots.You’ve gotta hold down B and try not to collide with anything or touch any of the explosions and it’s GODDAMN HARD.

In fact, I have a confession to make.

I used a cheat code.

Yeah . . . I used an infinite health cheat code to get through the level because I was so goddamn frustrated. I made my way through the previous games without resorting to cheat codes, but this one BROKE me.

But anyway, the Death Star blew up and we get fireworks and a party (why does Luke look like part of his neck got chopped off?).



And a few friends joined the party from beyond the grave!



(Not a word about how Lucasfilm WAH RUINED THE ENDING BY PUTTING HAYDEN IN – this was long before that anyway.)

Also, HOLY SHIT YOU SEE PALPATINE BEHIND THE CREDITS AND HEAR HIS CACKLING DURING THEM! That proves it! The game developers saw into the future and KNEW that Episode 9 would bring him back! It was all planned!



Or that’s what I’d say if I were a conspiracy theorist. Anyway, this was an awesome conclusion to an awesome game trilogy. It’s still hard-as-nails and someday I WILL try to beat that last level without using a cheat code, but the environments are beautiful, the gameplay is challenging but fair (except the last level), you can play FIVE characters, and like the previous two games, it screams Star Wars through and through.

RATING: 4.5 out of 5.

Now, we’re going to be doing something a little different. I know I’ve been playing these games somewhat chronologically so far, but now we’re breaking with that and skipping ahead a few years. Why? Because Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga comes out on May 31st and I think there’s no better time to reflect on the awesomeness that is the Lego Star Wars games.

Yup, join me soon for Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga.

Yeah yeah, it’s been a while, but I’ve been busy with real life and playing other games. Anyway, it’s time to complete the SNES trilogy with Super Return of the Jedi.



While this one isn’t as insanely impossible as the previous installment, it’s still pretty damn tough (it wouldn’t be a Super Star Wars game if it wasn’t). But anyway, let’s dive in and see what kind of madness the final Super Star Wars game has in store for us.

In addition to the expected movie poster, Salacious Crumb – you know, Jabba’s annoying little pet – is on the main menu screen and he’ll giggle at you until you start the game. Not sure if that’s a neat feature or an annoyance.

Well, we have our expected 16-bit opening crawl and nicely-rendered cutscene, complete with Vader’s awesome breathing.



But then we get something unexpected as the game deviates from the movie a tiny bit. Our first level is a vehicle level of the gang going to rescue Han in a landspeeder. I mean, that’s probably something that happened in canon anyway, but it’s kind of weird to begin the game before the movie actually begins.

Oh, and I love the cutscene’s lighting. Look at that – isn’t that pretty?



Anyway, the level itself doesn’t have any enemies, but it has plenty of rocks to steer around. You’ve also got to jump over bottomless pits because yeah, it totally makes sense to choose the route filled with bottomless pits when going to rescue your friend.



Also, if you pay attention, you’ll notice that the scene gradually gets lighter as the level progresses and the suns rise. Pretty neat effect there – I love it when retro games throw in little touches like that.

Unlike in the previous two games, where you could only play as Luke at the beginning and other characters became available later, this time you can actually choose your character for the first platforming level. And looky looky, we can FINALLY play Leia! It’s about freakin’ time!



Of course her character selection pic is of her in the bikini because bikini. Anyway, since we haven’t gotten to play Leia before, let’s pick her now.



And wow, 16-bit Leia is a BADASS. She can jump around like a maniac and become a somersaulting force of destruction. Course, that doesn’t make the enemies any less numerous – we have Jawas, enemy droids, giant ant things, falling rocks and stalactites, and numerous other creatures, including these annoying pterodactyl things than can pick you up and drop you down.

You’ll also notice Rebellion symbols all over the place. They weren’t good for anything but points in the ESB game, but in this game, they function like coins in the Mario games – for every hundred you collect, you get an extra life.

You also hear Leia’s actual voice grunting when she gets hit, which is neat at first, but given how many times you get hit in these games, it starts to get grating after a while. I think it’s the grunt she gives when Jabba waggles his tongue at her (yeah, you know you’re a geek when you can identify grunts).

Reach the palace and you reach the boss. Remember that doorman droid from the movie that laughed at 3PO? Well, it’s gotten HUGE!



And to add insult to injury, the thing can electrocute you, showing off your skeleton to the world. I wasn’t able to get a screenshot of that, but it’s pretty funny. In any case, this battle takes a LOT of patience since it takes a billion hits to kill but it can of course drain your health in just a few hits. You pretty much have to look for opportunities to strike and hope it doesn’t strike you. To think this is the FIRST boss battle of the game. Han had better appreciate what Leia goes through for him.

Well, you definitely get a sense of accomplishment when the thing finally explodes. Now we’ve got to fight our way through Jabba’s palace. Similar to the Mos Eisley Cantina level in the ANH game, you’ve got to kill all the enemies in a screen before you can advance. And ho boy, are there enemies. Jawas, Gammorrian Guards, Salacious Crumb, even Twi’lek dancers. Yup, you’re killing Jabba’s sex slaves.

Also, there are these huge creatures that grab you by the throat and won’t let go.



And as if that wasn’t enough, there are trap doors that can kill you instantly if you step on them – and they bribe you by putting powerups like giant hearts or health swords on top of them. It’s sooooo hard to turn down those desperately-needed items.

Ah, but look, there’s frozen Han! Your love’s here to save you, Han! Oh right, but first you have to defeat the boss, Bib Fortuna . . . at least I THINK that’s Bib Fortuna, but he’s somehow developed the ability to shoot lasers out of his lekku . . . and the ability to teleport. Yeah, some things you just don’t question in video games.



At first it seems like this battle would be impossible with Leia since her staff can only do close-range attacks (don’t ask why she didn’t bring her blaster), BUT, you can press Y to put her in a defensive stance and her staff will deflect Bib’s laser blasts back at him.

By the way, I love how Jabba just sits in the background and watches the battle.

After you show Bib who’s boss, then Leia wakes Han up. YAY!



For some reason, you can only play as Luke or Chewie in the next level. Maybe it’s because Han’s currently blind and Leia’s currently chained to Jabba. Anyway, I’ll pick Chewie. It looks like his fighting his way through the rancor pit, or maybe the dungeon. Wherever it is, it’s sure dark.



Yeah, it’s the dungeon – you go past all these cell doors and sometimes prisoners will reach through the bars. Creepy.



And woo man, this place is a MAZE. In addition to the enemies lurking around everywhere, you’ve got to navigate your way through a convoluted mess of tunnels, conveyor belts, moving platforms, and spikes (what’s an old-school platformer without spikes?). Oh, and take a look at THIS.



You’ve got to land VERY precise jumps on those tiny platforms or the giant spikes will kill you. Isn’t this game so kind?

And were you expecting the boss to be the rancor? Well, you’re wrong – instead it’s this giant purple frog-thing that can spawn smaller frog-things out of its mouth. Yes, it belches out its babies.



The battle looks intimidating, but it’s actually super-easy because the baby frogs drop hearts when you kill them. So yeah, shoot down as many of those newborns as you can while also shooting the boss and you’ll be victorious in no time.

Well now Luke arrives at the palace . . . even though you could play him in all the previous levels. I mean, I didn’t, but I could have.



Anyway, NOW you can play Han, even though he’s still supposed to be blind and in the dungeon. Ah well, who cares – let’s play my HAN!!

The rancor pit is gross – and convoluted, and absolutely infested with enemies. Gammorian guards, bats, plants spewing spores, craters spewing lava, those baby frog-like creatures, and bones. Lots and lots of bones.



Weirdly enough, Han also grunts when he gets hit, but his grunt sounds nothing like Han’s actual voice. Why did they use a movie grunt for Leia but just a generic one for Han? Couldn’t they have gotten one of Han’s grunts from the movies? And why am I talking so much about grunts?

Oh, Han also does his trademark shrug (that his son would later inherit) when he stands idle. HA!



Or sometimes he might work on his blaster.



What, you think I’m obsessed with Han? Whatever gave you that idea?

Anyway, this level is frustrating as shit. Why? THOSE DAMN BATS! They keep following you around, swooping in with erratic patterns that make them difficult to shoot, and they don’t drop hearts when killed – and if the bats don’t get you, the mini volcanos that spew out bits of lava will. So yeah, you can lose health really quickly and Han can find himself dead long before his son can stab him.

Oh, and you’ll also run into mini rancors. I’m not kidding.



In fact, compared to the rest of the level, the actual Rancor boss is a wimp. He’s huge, sure, but he goes down super-fast if you use grenades. (Sorry about there being no screenshot – I actually beat him on my first try, can you believe that?) Anyway, time for the sail barge.



Huh, the skiff is a lot smaller than I remember it in the movie.



Yeah, in this level you have to jump from skiff to skiff while avoiding the enemies and taking care not to fall off the skiff to instant death . . . cause the sand is poisonous or something. It’s best to just run and jump as fast as you can, since the enemies take several shots to kill and they can electrocute you in the meantime. And look, I actually got a screenshot of Han’s skeleton blinking into sight when he gets electrocuted. Happy Halloween.



Then when you get to the sail barge, you have to deal with Gammorian Guards, tiny platforms, moving platforms, and spikes that pop up under your feet. You know, typical stuff for these games.

You know what, I think I was wrong. I think this game actually IS as hard as the ESB game. For one thing, in the previous two Super Star Wars game, you could keep your blaster upgrades until you died, but in this one, you lose them as soon as you start a new level.

In fact, I committed blasphemy after I reached the level’s first checkpoint and died for the millionth time.

I switched from Han to Luke.



And well, Luke does make the level easier since he can jump around while lightsabering everything in his path, which comes in handing when the bounty hunters start swarming in. Also, he’s got a cool sprite, and when he grunts, he sounds like himself.

Anyway, up, up, up you go through the platforming maze of death. Who’s the boss, you might wonder. Is it Boba Fett? Naw, Han took him out without even meaning to. Nope, it’s . . . this thing.



I’m sure it has a name, but I don’t know what it is and I don’t feel like looking up “tentatcled gorilla reptile thing” on Wookieepedia. Anyway, like all these bosses, he’s got a shit-ton of health, but if you stay at the far left-hand side of the screen, he can only hit you with his ball-and-chain thing. So stay there, lightsaber him like crazy, and he’ll go down.

Anyway, I think this is as good a time as any for a break. See you next time! Here’s Duel of the Fates, Halloween style!

Welcome back to the insane difficulty of Super Empire Strikes Back. We just fought our way through the snow and the Imperials, but we’re not off Hoth yet. Now it’s my Han’s turn to take the spotlight as he makes his way through the collapsing Rebel Base.



Han’s sprite is wearing that trademark ESB blue jacket, which is awesome in itself, but of course everything is out to kill him. Literally the moment you start the level, a beam falls from the ceiling and it’s nearly impossible to avoid it. Then there are the laser cannons, the stormtroopers, the flames shooting up from the floor – how will Han ever survive to get stabbed by his son in thirty years?

There are also these platforms that go ZOOMING when you step on them. It’s quite a harrowing ride.



Oh, and if Han stands idle, he’ll twirl his blaster Western-style – HA!



This level’s a bit of a maze. The zooming platforms can go up or down depending on the direction you choose and sometimes you find yourself at a dead end. Who knew that Echo Base had such a convoluted layout? However, you’ll find blaster upgrades and other powerups at some of these dead ends, so it’s not too frustrating.

Eventually, Han runs into a . . . what IS that thing?



Is that a droid? A stormtrooper? A stormtrooper droid? Whatever it is, it wants Han dead FAST. It can eat up your health super-quickly, but fortunately it only takes a few shots to kill. But then just a few steps later, there’s ANOTHER one.

Oh, and did you think they were the level bosses? Nope, the level keeps going after you kill them. Han heads outside and strangely enough doesn’t freeze to death even though he’s not dressed for the weather at all.



And then comes the REAL level boss – an insanely deadly Imperial combat vehicle.



Like with most of the vehicle bosses, you have to shoot off the weaponry before you can do damage to the boss itself. If you have grenades, USE THEM! Once the weapons are all shot off, the thing starts zipping around erratically and it also dispatches bombs because why wouldn’t it? Shoot the damn thing like crazy.

And what do you know, Han still hasn’t found Leia. Maybe she’s already taken off without him. Anyway, this level is pretty much the same as the last one, except now you’ve got droids chasing you too. Oh, and the level boss is . . . A FREAKIN’ AT-ST WALKER!



Yes, Han has to take on an AT-ST walker all by himself without so much as the Force to help him. I knew he was badass, but this is SUPER badass.

This battle’s actually easier than it looks if you have full health and the highest blaster upgrade. Focus on shooting off the AT-ST’s gun, then shoot at it like crazy and it goes down fast, then head over to Leia, who looks like she’s saying “What TOOK you so long?” Well, Your Worship, I only had to take down an AT-ST walker in order to get to you, no biggie!



Well, Han and Leia take off in the Falcon and we get a bit of their banter.



And this probably means we’re going to be shooting some TIE Fighters, aren’t we? What's a Star Wars game without shooting TIE Fighters?



Yup, we’re shooting TIE Fighters, and asteroids – we’re in the asteroid field, after all. You’ve got to shoot fifteen TIEs before your shields conk out, which is easier said than done given how the rocks are EVERYWHERE. Just keep your finger on the trigger and your eye on the radar.

Funny thing, though. After you shoot all the TIEs, the screen shows a hyperspace jump. Ummm . . . don’t
the game designers remember how the Falcon’s hyperdrive was DAMAGED? That’s like, a major plot point of the movie. I mean, these games never promised to be 100% faithful to the movies, but it seems like animating the hyperspace jump was an extra bit of work they didn’t need.

Anyway, now we join Luke on Dagobah.



But before we find Yoda, we have to find R2, who’s gone missing. I guess he got spat out much further than he did in the movie.



Dagobah’s pretty atmospheric. The sound effects give off the feeling of being in a swampy area and the environment is nicely detailed.



You can also get your first Force power here – once again, it’s levitation. These early SW games seem to really like making Luke levitate. Anyway, after cutting through a bunch of swamp creatures, it doesn’t take long to find R2.



For some reason I really like the picture that goes with the cutscene of Luke finding R2. I don’t know why, but I find it adorable.



There’s not much to be said about the next level – it’s just some more fighting through the swamp to get to Yoda. Well, piranhas and alligators chase you relentlessly, but if you keep lightsabering them it’s not too difficult to find Yoda.

Yoda delivers a lengthy speech about the Force which ends with his most famous quote . . . well, half of it.



I mean, seriously, why did they cut off “There is no try”? Did they run out of words? Why not cut out some of his Force speech then? Seems pretty weird to slice off the ending of his most famous quote.

Anyway, the next level has a bunch of Force powers for you to collect that will become super-useful throughout the game, but you need the levitation Force power from the previous level in order to get them. So, if you didn’t get the levitation power, you’re screwed.

Doesn’t sound so hard . . . except that the screen autoscrolls. Dammit, I HATE autoscrolling levels in platformers. Oh, and to top it all off, you’re fighting on top of some big long snake . . . thing that takes up the entire length of the level. Maybe a space slug came to visit Dagobah.

Well, I’ve gotta get the Force powers, ESPECIALLY Heal. Heal does exactly what it says, though I’m not quite sure how you can Force-heal yourself given that Force-healing involves transferring energy from one person to another, so how does transferring energy to yourself work?

And what do you know, the boss is the head of that giant snake thing we’ve been walking on.



I don’t think it appreciated Luke walking on its back. Anyway, this battle is pretty much designed for you to have Force healing, so make sure you use it when you’re low on health. You have to take out its four eyes AND its nose before you can do any damage to it, plus it constantly spits out this little caterpillar things that do damage to you. After you take out its eyes and nose, it’ll speed up and go crazy, but now you can hurt it. Also, when it lights up to indicate that you hurt it, the ground you’re on lights up too since you’re on its body and all. Pretty cool.

Well, now we rejoin Han and Leia as they land on Bespin . . . though I’m not quite sure why they went to Bespin in this version if the Falcon’s hyperdrive was never damaged, but whatever.



Anyway, we’re back to controlling my Han . . . and you’d think he’d get clued in that Lando’s going to betray him when everything on Bespin’s trying to kill him. Right from the start, hostile droids and cloud cars are EVERYWHERE, all shooting at Han before he even gets off the landing platform. There are also a bunch of platforms that I guess have trouble supporting Han’s weight, since they start sinking down as soon as you land on them. So basically, you have to keep jumping, and jumping, and jumping – though if you’re not careful you’ll end up taking a flying leap.

It doesn’t fare any better once Han gets inside either. The hostile droids are still all over the place, along with a zillion clones of Zukkus the bounty hunter. Han really should get the hint that Lando’s gonna stab him in the back. Oh, and there are moving platforms, because everyone loves moving platforms, right? Moreover, you have to double-jump to get on most of the moving platforms.

Eventually, you’ll get on one of those platforms that takes you down, down, down, past many levels of stormtroopers, and then you get to fight off a bunch of Bossk clones. At least I think they’re Bossk, but they do a lot more acrobatics than Bossk does.



This level seems to take forever, but that might just be because of the ungodly number of enemies Han’s had to fight off. Oh look, you also run into Dengar. Han really should take the hint that it’s not safe here.



AND we run into IG-88 – looks like Boba invited the whole gang of bounty hunters over. Even better, IG-88 has a gun that can FREEZE Han. The effects wear off in a few seconds, though – otherwise he could just ship Jabba a frozen Han decoration right now.



Dear God, this level will eventually get you wondering “Where am I? Haven’t I been here before? Am I going in circles?” But then finally, FINALLY you reach the boss, a giant ship that looks like Slave 1.



You have to shoot off all the ship’s weapons in order to defeat it. If you’ve accumulated a good number of grenades from shooting who-knows-how-many enemies, this fight is a cinch. Then afterwards, Lando FINALLY greets Han.



Lando’s cape is also blowing in the wind – nice effect. Anyway, the greeting must have been interesting in this version of events.

“Hey Han old buddy, good to see you!”

“Thanks. Say, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about the droids and stormtroopers and bounty hunters that were all tryin’ to kill me, would you?”

“Nope, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

For the next level, Han and Chewie set off to find 3PO – and I gotta say that I love Han’s blaster pose in the cutscene.



And now we finally get to play Chewie as he goes searching through the garbage bowels for 3PO. He also gets to kill a bunch of Ugnaughts who are just doing their jobs on the way.



This level’s full of lava pits – and I mean a LOT of lava pits. Moreover, most of the time you have to leap on pieces of junk to get across and there will be laser cannons shooting at you directly above the pieces of junk. It’s practically impossible to jump across one without getting hit. However, at one point you get to ride a crane across the lava.



And what do you know – you get to fight the boss over lava too. The boss is some giant vehicle piloted by an Ugnaught.



It also drops bombs because of course. Like with most of the other vehicle bosses, you’ve gotta shoot off the weaponry before you can do actual damage to the machine – but this time you have to make sure you don’t fall into the lava as well. After you take it down, you find 3PO . . . who isn’t blown up.



So if 3PO didn’t get blown up, did he just go wandering into the garbage bowels or something? Well now we’re back to controlling Han . . . and he looks like he’s in the carbon freeze chamber



Has Lando betrayed them yet, or did Han just go wandering into the carbon freeze chamber for fun? Anyway, remember those cranes that picked you up against your will in the Mos Eisley levels from the ANH game? Probably not, but this level is FULL of them. If one picks you up, it will quickly drain your health, so you’ve gotta shoot them before they can do so, which takes ages. Fortunately, they drop a bunch of hearts to replenish your life.

Of course, shooting the cranes is made even more difficult by the ice cannons that can freeze Han before he goes to the big freeze.



Not only that, but sometimes you get to ride on moving platforms past the ice cannons, so Han gets frozen over and over.



Han’s getting a sneak peek of what’s going to happen to him very soon. Oh, I also got this screenshot of Han being frozen mid-jump. Pretty funny.



So who’s the boss of this level, you ask? Oh, nothing much, just a HUGE crane thing that spits fire and ice!



Or wait, is that the carbon freezer? Is Han fighting the actual carbon freezer? Well, whatever it is, it looks menacing, but there’s actually a certain spot to the right where you can stand and shoot it and it will hardly touch you at all. So yeah, if you stand there, this boss is super-easy.

But alas, despite Han putting up a good fight, he still got put in the BIG freeze.



And now that Han’s made his temporary exit, I think it’s break time. We’re almost at the end, people!

Welcome back! Well, unfortunately Leia does NOT become a playable character. I don’t know if it’s because the game engine wouldn’t allow more than three playable characters or because the game developers thought people wouldn’t want to play Leia. I don’t WANT to call the game developers sexist, but . . . this was 1992, when a lot of people still thought video games were a boy thing and that boys wouldn’t want to play as women (it was only eight years after the first Metroid game hid Samus’s gender from the players until the end of the game). As much as I and my double-X gamer chromosomes would like to spit in the face of those people, I can’t prove one way or the other why Leia’s not playable here, so let’s just move on.

Now that we have Leia, we have to disable the tractor beam. Yup, just like in the NES game, the old fossil is too lazy to do it himself, so he leaves it up to you to do it. And guess what, this is another one of those levels with a shit-ton of movie platforms to time your jumps on. One wrong move and you can fall all the way back to the bottom.



And just like in the NES game, when you reach the tractor beam controls, it’s a boss battle. The thing spews out fireballs that can drain your health in seconds and it has a HUGE health bar.



There IS a way to replenish your health, though. At the bottom level are two droids who drop big hearts when you kill them. If you jump to the top level and then return to the bottom level, the droids will respawn. So keep jumping to the top level and returning to the bottom level to kill the droids again and again to replenish your health, shooting wildly at the tractor beam controls the whole time.

Well, after you destroy the tractor beam controls, THEN the old fossil gets off his butt to fight Vader.



Strangely enough, we don’t see Vader actually kill Obi-Wan – instead we just cut to the Falcon flying to Yavin 4 and go straight to the Death Star attack briefing.



I have to wonder if Nintendo wouldn’t allow any of the actual movie deaths to be shown onscreen – they had some strict rules back in the day, though during the SNES era they started to get more lenient about those rules (particularly when a little game called Mortal Kombat entered the scene, but that’s another story). Anyway, it’s time for the last level in the game. Once again, it’s time to destroy that Death Star!



Once again, you’re controlling Luke’s X-Wing (I like how it says “Red 5” in the character name section at the top of the screen). For the first part of the level, you’re flying around the Death Star’s surface and you have to take down twenty TIE Fighters and twenty gun towers. The TIEs are easy, the towers . . . not so much, since they tend to sneak up on you and running into one means instant death. But, with a little practice, you can ace this level and reach the final part of the game: the trench.



Now you’re in the X-Wing’s cockpit with some impressive 3-D, but there’s no time to enjoy the visuals since the place is SWARMING with TIE Fighters. Basically, you need to stay alive until you reach the exhaust port, which means shooting like a maniac. Prepare for sore fingers. This is undoubtedly the hardest part of the game (which is fitting, seeing as how it’s the last level).

Should you survive the trench, Vader’s TIE Fighter will suddenly appear in front of you. Shoot at it like crazy and it will go spinning out of control, then it’s the moment of truth: the exhaust port. Shoot your proton torpedoes at the right time and BOOM!



With Han’s words of approvement, the game is beaten! Enjoy the medal ceremony!



This game is awesome. It’s leaps and bounds ahead of all the NES Star Wars games and it does a great job making you feel like you’re playing in the movie. It’s definitely tough as nails, but there’s a HUGE sense of satisfaction when you beat it. Oh, and you can play Han, which automatically gives it positive points.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Next up, however, we’re taking on the Super Empire Strikes Back game, and just like with the NES games, the ESB game makes the ANH game look like child’s play.

The Super Nintendo is my favorite game console (although I do adore my Nintendo Switch as well) It was like the Empire Strikes Back to the NES’s A New Hope – it took everything that made the NES great and improved on it exponentially. Sooooo many amazing games that remain classics to this day came out on the SNES.

But you’re not here to listen to me ramble about the console – you’re here to watch me play the Super Star Wars games. Well, we’re starting with A New Hope, of course. I played and beat these games a while back, but it’s been a few years, so time to leap back into them. They’re awesome . . . but INSANELY difficult, even when you play on quote-unquote “Easy” mode. “Easy” in this case just means “not quite as insanely impossible as the other two modes.”



From the very beginning, you can tell that we’re leaps above the NES Star Wars games. A Wookiee growl sound is heard when you press the Start button and then you’re treated to the opening crawl with a glorious 16-bit rendition of the Star Wars theme. Then when the first level starts – look, Luke’s sprite actually looks like Luke!



Of course, you don’t have much time before creatures start attacking you. Fortunately, you’ve got tight controls and a trusty blaster, plus most of the enemies drop health-restoring hearts when you kill them. First level’s pretty basic – you run around the Tatooine desert killing scorpions, serpents that pop out the ground, giant scorpions that split up into two regular-sized scorpions, and other enemies. Along the way you pick up a blaster powerup, which gives your blaster a cool flame boost with a neat sound effect. It’s so damn fun, then before you know it, you’re at the level boss . . . the Sarlacc.



Yeah, don’t ask me what Luke’s doing in the Sarlacc pit, but since he doesn’t want to be digested for a thousand years, we’ve gotta fight it.

Since this is the first boss battle, it’s not so hard. You can actually defeat the thing by just standing off to the side and shooting at it. Sure, you’ll take damage, but if you start the battle with full health and your blaster has the flame booster, the monster will go down long before you will.

After the battle, Luke finds 3PO next to the crashed escape pod. Yeah, instead of Uncle Owen buying the droids, Luke just runs into 3PO, but that’s an understandable change for a video game adaptation since, well, there’s no action when Owen buys the droids (and hell, it’s nothing insane like Vader turning into a scorpion). As you’ll see, the cutscenes in this game are beautifully rendered.



Once again, we’ve gotta rescue R2 from the Jawas. You know, I’m noticing a pattern in these ANH games where you’re tasked with rescuing R2 from Jawas even though in the movie Owen just buys the droids from the Jawas. Guess it’s a way to get some more action in.



Level 2: Luke and 3PO are driving the landspeeder to the sandcrawler in a psudo-3D Mode-7 perspective. You’ve got to shoot twelve Jawas off their hoverbikes before you can get to the sandcrawler. Why twelve? Who knows – it’s video game logic, but they make their signature “Ootidi!” sound when you shoot them off their bikes. You’ve also got to make sure your landspeeder doesn’t run out of fuel, but there are fuel refills you can pick up throughout the level. Pretty straightforward stuff – shoot those twelve Jawas and head for the sandcrawler. Of course, the Jawas are also shooting relentlessly at you the whole time.

Well, we’re at the sandcrawler, but we still need to get IN the sandcrawler, and the Jawas don’t intend to make that easy. Apparently they’ve devised an elaborate series of moving platforms that you need to jump around in order to get in. Yes, it’s one of those levels where you need precise jumping and timing in order to advance.



Fortunately, at the beginning of the level you can collect two powerups that increase your maximum health and the sandcrawler has another blaster powerup that seeks out enemies, so the enemies themselves aren’t much of a problem. Unfortunately, if you miss a jump, you’ll probably fall back to the bottom of the sandcrawler and have to start your climb all over again. It’s entirely possible to run out the timer while jumping around the moving platforms. Hell, even though I’ve played this before, I had around thirty seconds left when I finally reached the top, shot the sandcrawler’s guns, and jumped into the sandcrawler to end the level.



Into the sandcrawler, which, as we know from the NES games, is bound to be full of death traps. Luke falls down into the sandcrawler’s bowels and yup, death traps from the get-go. Not only are endless Jawas trying to kill him, but there are elevators you’ve got to jump on, cannons that shoot lasers and fire, spiky floors (what’s an old-school platformer without spikes?), and most irritating of all, these electric gates.



These gates can’t be destroyed. At all. Moreover, they’ll instantly activate once you get close to them. The only way to get through them is to slide through them before they can activate, which takes some really precision timing. You’ll probably fail most of your attempts and take hits in the process.

Oh, and there are also conveyor belts and these giant guns that you have to shoot off the ceiling.



But hey, at least the Jawas sometimes drop different powerups in addition to hearts to help you out. They might drop shields that can temporarily protect you from blasts, time limit extensions, or . . . er, point bonuses. Yeah, who gives a shit about points – those don’t really help you at all.

Eventually you’ll reach a room where you can time your jumps on dropping platforms to get a bunch of hearts and health extensions. Then you’ll jump on an elevator going down – but it takes you to the flowing sand, and you’d better jump off before you get to the sand because the sand automatically kills Luke . . . for some reason. Yeah, he grew up in the desert but flowing sand kills him. Maybe it’s those sand-hating genes he inherited from his father.

The boss of this level is a GIANT LAVA BEAST! Shit, since when do Jawas keep such dangerous creatures around?



But although he looks menacing, he’s not that hard if you stocked up on health in the last room and collected the two blaster powerups in this level. Just stand on the platform next to him, jump to avoid his lava attacks, and shoot him til he drops. Then you can go get R2.

Fun tidbit: in the cutscene of Leia’s message that follows, the Leia hologram actually flickers like in the movie. Unfortunately, if I try to take a screenshot, the Leia hologram won’t show up in it – probably has something to do with the flickering.

The next level is pure chaos. You’ve got to navigate the Tatooine caves (great, more caves) while fending off Jawas, Sandpeople, creatures that leave behind pools of sticky goo when you shoot them, bats, and of course, rocks that can crush you.



Oh, and that’s not all. A couple of time you have to precisely jump around tiny floating rocks, some of which can’t support your weight and will sink down once you step on them.



Fortunately, the level isn’t long, and when you reach Obi-Wan he’s . . . standing around with his head bowed like a monk. For some reason I find that hilarious.



But anyway, we get another nicely-rendered cutscene of Obi-Wan and Luke’s conversation.



Then they listen to Leia’s message, which is the same as it is in the movie except for one word – but it’s a rather important word that might potentially change things pretty dramatically.

In the movie, Leia says that Obi-Wan has to get R2 delivered to Bail on Alderaan, but here, she says to deliver R2 to Bail on . . . Yavin.

Now as we all know, in canon Bail died when Alderaan went kaboom, but if he’s on Yavin 4 here . . . does that mean Bail actually SURVIVES in this version of events??

Of course the game isn’t going to tell us, but it’s something to think about.

Anyway, after the message, Obi-Wan gives Luke Anakin’s lightsaber, so now you have two weapons you can switch between whenever you want. You’ll probably want to use the lightsaber most of the time, though, since the lightsaber gives you the best move in the game. Attack with the lightsaber while doing a somersaulting jump and you’ll basically become an unstoppable spinning attack blade.

Of course, we’ve still got to get to Mos Eisley, and even with the lightsaber, it won’t be an easy trip. Now Sandpeople are chasing Luke down relentlessly and oh yeah, we’ve got to fight BANTHAS.



The banthas also EXPLODE when you kill them. I guess the Sandpeople had explosives planted in their stomachs or something.

You’ll also never guess what this level’s boss is. Go ahead, take a guess.

Did you guess?

Okay, here it is.

A mutant womp rat.



Yes, a MUTANT womp rat. Womp rats usually aren’t very big, but this one apparently mutated and got huge. You’ll need to keep an eye on your health during this battle, but there are regular-sized womp rats that you can kill for a bit of extra health.

Next is another landspeeder level which is the same as the previous one, except now you have to shoot twenty Jawas. There also seem to be more environmental hazards this time around, but don’t quote me there. Anyway, shoot the Jawas and head towards Mos Eisley.

I think it might be time for a break. After all, we’re going to Mos Eisley, and that means you-know-who’s going to show up soon!