Liesel Plays Star Wars Games

We started the game with a lengthy but fun Return of the Jedi prologue. Now we start TFA proper.

( Level 1 )

Last time, we flew to landing platforms, pulled levers, and used torpedoes. Seriously, that was the whole level. Will the next one be any better?

( General Grievous Level 3 )

Well, Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga’s release has been postponed and there’s currently no word of a new release date, but that gives me more time to finish the Lego Star Wars games here.

( Level 32 )

Time to finish off Empire Strikes Back!

( Level 30 )

We’ve got Leia, but we’re not out of trouble yet.

( Level 23 )

Mos Eisley time!

( Level 21 )

It’s time to begin the original trilogy! (Warning: screencap-heavy.)

( Level 19 )

Welcome back to the insane difficulty of Super Empire Strikes Back. We just fought our way through the snow and the Imperials, but we’re not off Hoth yet. Now it’s my Han’s turn to take the spotlight as he makes his way through the collapsing Rebel Base.



Han’s sprite is wearing that trademark ESB blue jacket, which is awesome in itself, but of course everything is out to kill him. Literally the moment you start the level, a beam falls from the ceiling and it’s nearly impossible to avoid it. Then there are the laser cannons, the stormtroopers, the flames shooting up from the floor – how will Han ever survive to get stabbed by his son in thirty years?

There are also these platforms that go ZOOMING when you step on them. It’s quite a harrowing ride.



Oh, and if Han stands idle, he’ll twirl his blaster Western-style – HA!



This level’s a bit of a maze. The zooming platforms can go up or down depending on the direction you choose and sometimes you find yourself at a dead end. Who knew that Echo Base had such a convoluted layout? However, you’ll find blaster upgrades and other powerups at some of these dead ends, so it’s not too frustrating.

Eventually, Han runs into a . . . what IS that thing?



Is that a droid? A stormtrooper? A stormtrooper droid? Whatever it is, it wants Han dead FAST. It can eat up your health super-quickly, but fortunately it only takes a few shots to kill. But then just a few steps later, there’s ANOTHER one.

Oh, and did you think they were the level bosses? Nope, the level keeps going after you kill them. Han heads outside and strangely enough doesn’t freeze to death even though he’s not dressed for the weather at all.



And then comes the REAL level boss – an insanely deadly Imperial combat vehicle.



Like with most of the vehicle bosses, you have to shoot off the weaponry before you can do damage to the boss itself. If you have grenades, USE THEM! Once the weapons are all shot off, the thing starts zipping around erratically and it also dispatches bombs because why wouldn’t it? Shoot the damn thing like crazy.

And what do you know, Han still hasn’t found Leia. Maybe she’s already taken off without him. Anyway, this level is pretty much the same as the last one, except now you’ve got droids chasing you too. Oh, and the level boss is . . . A FREAKIN’ AT-ST WALKER!



Yes, Han has to take on an AT-ST walker all by himself without so much as the Force to help him. I knew he was badass, but this is SUPER badass.

This battle’s actually easier than it looks if you have full health and the highest blaster upgrade. Focus on shooting off the AT-ST’s gun, then shoot at it like crazy and it goes down fast, then head over to Leia, who looks like she’s saying “What TOOK you so long?” Well, Your Worship, I only had to take down an AT-ST walker in order to get to you, no biggie!



Well, Han and Leia take off in the Falcon and we get a bit of their banter.



And this probably means we’re going to be shooting some TIE Fighters, aren’t we? What's a Star Wars game without shooting TIE Fighters?



Yup, we’re shooting TIE Fighters, and asteroids – we’re in the asteroid field, after all. You’ve got to shoot fifteen TIEs before your shields conk out, which is easier said than done given how the rocks are EVERYWHERE. Just keep your finger on the trigger and your eye on the radar.

Funny thing, though. After you shoot all the TIEs, the screen shows a hyperspace jump. Ummm . . . don’t
the game designers remember how the Falcon’s hyperdrive was DAMAGED? That’s like, a major plot point of the movie. I mean, these games never promised to be 100% faithful to the movies, but it seems like animating the hyperspace jump was an extra bit of work they didn’t need.

Anyway, now we join Luke on Dagobah.



But before we find Yoda, we have to find R2, who’s gone missing. I guess he got spat out much further than he did in the movie.



Dagobah’s pretty atmospheric. The sound effects give off the feeling of being in a swampy area and the environment is nicely detailed.



You can also get your first Force power here – once again, it’s levitation. These early SW games seem to really like making Luke levitate. Anyway, after cutting through a bunch of swamp creatures, it doesn’t take long to find R2.



For some reason I really like the picture that goes with the cutscene of Luke finding R2. I don’t know why, but I find it adorable.



There’s not much to be said about the next level – it’s just some more fighting through the swamp to get to Yoda. Well, piranhas and alligators chase you relentlessly, but if you keep lightsabering them it’s not too difficult to find Yoda.

Yoda delivers a lengthy speech about the Force which ends with his most famous quote . . . well, half of it.



I mean, seriously, why did they cut off “There is no try”? Did they run out of words? Why not cut out some of his Force speech then? Seems pretty weird to slice off the ending of his most famous quote.

Anyway, the next level has a bunch of Force powers for you to collect that will become super-useful throughout the game, but you need the levitation Force power from the previous level in order to get them. So, if you didn’t get the levitation power, you’re screwed.

Doesn’t sound so hard . . . except that the screen autoscrolls. Dammit, I HATE autoscrolling levels in platformers. Oh, and to top it all off, you’re fighting on top of some big long snake . . . thing that takes up the entire length of the level. Maybe a space slug came to visit Dagobah.

Well, I’ve gotta get the Force powers, ESPECIALLY Heal. Heal does exactly what it says, though I’m not quite sure how you can Force-heal yourself given that Force-healing involves transferring energy from one person to another, so how does transferring energy to yourself work?

And what do you know, the boss is the head of that giant snake thing we’ve been walking on.



I don’t think it appreciated Luke walking on its back. Anyway, this battle is pretty much designed for you to have Force healing, so make sure you use it when you’re low on health. You have to take out its four eyes AND its nose before you can do any damage to it, plus it constantly spits out this little caterpillar things that do damage to you. After you take out its eyes and nose, it’ll speed up and go crazy, but now you can hurt it. Also, when it lights up to indicate that you hurt it, the ground you’re on lights up too since you’re on its body and all. Pretty cool.

Well, now we rejoin Han and Leia as they land on Bespin . . . though I’m not quite sure why they went to Bespin in this version if the Falcon’s hyperdrive was never damaged, but whatever.



Anyway, we’re back to controlling my Han . . . and you’d think he’d get clued in that Lando’s going to betray him when everything on Bespin’s trying to kill him. Right from the start, hostile droids and cloud cars are EVERYWHERE, all shooting at Han before he even gets off the landing platform. There are also a bunch of platforms that I guess have trouble supporting Han’s weight, since they start sinking down as soon as you land on them. So basically, you have to keep jumping, and jumping, and jumping – though if you’re not careful you’ll end up taking a flying leap.

It doesn’t fare any better once Han gets inside either. The hostile droids are still all over the place, along with a zillion clones of Zukkus the bounty hunter. Han really should get the hint that Lando’s gonna stab him in the back. Oh, and there are moving platforms, because everyone loves moving platforms, right? Moreover, you have to double-jump to get on most of the moving platforms.

Eventually, you’ll get on one of those platforms that takes you down, down, down, past many levels of stormtroopers, and then you get to fight off a bunch of Bossk clones. At least I think they’re Bossk, but they do a lot more acrobatics than Bossk does.



This level seems to take forever, but that might just be because of the ungodly number of enemies Han’s had to fight off. Oh look, you also run into Dengar. Han really should take the hint that it’s not safe here.



AND we run into IG-88 – looks like Boba invited the whole gang of bounty hunters over. Even better, IG-88 has a gun that can FREEZE Han. The effects wear off in a few seconds, though – otherwise he could just ship Jabba a frozen Han decoration right now.



Dear God, this level will eventually get you wondering “Where am I? Haven’t I been here before? Am I going in circles?” But then finally, FINALLY you reach the boss, a giant ship that looks like Slave 1.



You have to shoot off all the ship’s weapons in order to defeat it. If you’ve accumulated a good number of grenades from shooting who-knows-how-many enemies, this fight is a cinch. Then afterwards, Lando FINALLY greets Han.



Lando’s cape is also blowing in the wind – nice effect. Anyway, the greeting must have been interesting in this version of events.

“Hey Han old buddy, good to see you!”

“Thanks. Say, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about the droids and stormtroopers and bounty hunters that were all tryin’ to kill me, would you?”

“Nope, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

For the next level, Han and Chewie set off to find 3PO – and I gotta say that I love Han’s blaster pose in the cutscene.



And now we finally get to play Chewie as he goes searching through the garbage bowels for 3PO. He also gets to kill a bunch of Ugnaughts who are just doing their jobs on the way.



This level’s full of lava pits – and I mean a LOT of lava pits. Moreover, most of the time you have to leap on pieces of junk to get across and there will be laser cannons shooting at you directly above the pieces of junk. It’s practically impossible to jump across one without getting hit. However, at one point you get to ride a crane across the lava.



And what do you know – you get to fight the boss over lava too. The boss is some giant vehicle piloted by an Ugnaught.



It also drops bombs because of course. Like with most of the other vehicle bosses, you’ve gotta shoot off the weaponry before you can do actual damage to the machine – but this time you have to make sure you don’t fall into the lava as well. After you take it down, you find 3PO . . . who isn’t blown up.



So if 3PO didn’t get blown up, did he just go wandering into the garbage bowels or something? Well now we’re back to controlling Han . . . and he looks like he’s in the carbon freeze chamber



Has Lando betrayed them yet, or did Han just go wandering into the carbon freeze chamber for fun? Anyway, remember those cranes that picked you up against your will in the Mos Eisley levels from the ANH game? Probably not, but this level is FULL of them. If one picks you up, it will quickly drain your health, so you’ve gotta shoot them before they can do so, which takes ages. Fortunately, they drop a bunch of hearts to replenish your life.

Of course, shooting the cranes is made even more difficult by the ice cannons that can freeze Han before he goes to the big freeze.



Not only that, but sometimes you get to ride on moving platforms past the ice cannons, so Han gets frozen over and over.



Han’s getting a sneak peek of what’s going to happen to him very soon. Oh, I also got this screenshot of Han being frozen mid-jump. Pretty funny.



So who’s the boss of this level, you ask? Oh, nothing much, just a HUGE crane thing that spits fire and ice!



Or wait, is that the carbon freezer? Is Han fighting the actual carbon freezer? Well, whatever it is, it looks menacing, but there’s actually a certain spot to the right where you can stand and shoot it and it will hardly touch you at all. So yeah, if you stand there, this boss is super-easy.

But alas, despite Han putting up a good fight, he still got put in the BIG freeze.



And now that Han’s made his temporary exit, I think it’s break time. We’re almost at the end, people!

The Super Nintendo is my favorite game console (although I do adore my Nintendo Switch as well) It was like the Empire Strikes Back to the NES’s A New Hope – it took everything that made the NES great and improved on it exponentially. Sooooo many amazing games that remain classics to this day came out on the SNES.

But you’re not here to listen to me ramble about the console – you’re here to watch me play the Super Star Wars games. Well, we’re starting with A New Hope, of course. I played and beat these games a while back, but it’s been a few years, so time to leap back into them. They’re awesome . . . but INSANELY difficult, even when you play on quote-unquote “Easy” mode. “Easy” in this case just means “not quite as insanely impossible as the other two modes.”



From the very beginning, you can tell that we’re leaps above the NES Star Wars games. A Wookiee growl sound is heard when you press the Start button and then you’re treated to the opening crawl with a glorious 16-bit rendition of the Star Wars theme. Then when the first level starts – look, Luke’s sprite actually looks like Luke!



Of course, you don’t have much time before creatures start attacking you. Fortunately, you’ve got tight controls and a trusty blaster, plus most of the enemies drop health-restoring hearts when you kill them. First level’s pretty basic – you run around the Tatooine desert killing scorpions, serpents that pop out the ground, giant scorpions that split up into two regular-sized scorpions, and other enemies. Along the way you pick up a blaster powerup, which gives your blaster a cool flame boost with a neat sound effect. It’s so damn fun, then before you know it, you’re at the level boss . . . the Sarlacc.



Yeah, don’t ask me what Luke’s doing in the Sarlacc pit, but since he doesn’t want to be digested for a thousand years, we’ve gotta fight it.

Since this is the first boss battle, it’s not so hard. You can actually defeat the thing by just standing off to the side and shooting at it. Sure, you’ll take damage, but if you start the battle with full health and your blaster has the flame booster, the monster will go down long before you will.

After the battle, Luke finds 3PO next to the crashed escape pod. Yeah, instead of Uncle Owen buying the droids, Luke just runs into 3PO, but that’s an understandable change for a video game adaptation since, well, there’s no action when Owen buys the droids (and hell, it’s nothing insane like Vader turning into a scorpion). As you’ll see, the cutscenes in this game are beautifully rendered.



Once again, we’ve gotta rescue R2 from the Jawas. You know, I’m noticing a pattern in these ANH games where you’re tasked with rescuing R2 from Jawas even though in the movie Owen just buys the droids from the Jawas. Guess it’s a way to get some more action in.



Level 2: Luke and 3PO are driving the landspeeder to the sandcrawler in a psudo-3D Mode-7 perspective. You’ve got to shoot twelve Jawas off their hoverbikes before you can get to the sandcrawler. Why twelve? Who knows – it’s video game logic, but they make their signature “Ootidi!” sound when you shoot them off their bikes. You’ve also got to make sure your landspeeder doesn’t run out of fuel, but there are fuel refills you can pick up throughout the level. Pretty straightforward stuff – shoot those twelve Jawas and head for the sandcrawler. Of course, the Jawas are also shooting relentlessly at you the whole time.

Well, we’re at the sandcrawler, but we still need to get IN the sandcrawler, and the Jawas don’t intend to make that easy. Apparently they’ve devised an elaborate series of moving platforms that you need to jump around in order to get in. Yes, it’s one of those levels where you need precise jumping and timing in order to advance.



Fortunately, at the beginning of the level you can collect two powerups that increase your maximum health and the sandcrawler has another blaster powerup that seeks out enemies, so the enemies themselves aren’t much of a problem. Unfortunately, if you miss a jump, you’ll probably fall back to the bottom of the sandcrawler and have to start your climb all over again. It’s entirely possible to run out the timer while jumping around the moving platforms. Hell, even though I’ve played this before, I had around thirty seconds left when I finally reached the top, shot the sandcrawler’s guns, and jumped into the sandcrawler to end the level.



Into the sandcrawler, which, as we know from the NES games, is bound to be full of death traps. Luke falls down into the sandcrawler’s bowels and yup, death traps from the get-go. Not only are endless Jawas trying to kill him, but there are elevators you’ve got to jump on, cannons that shoot lasers and fire, spiky floors (what’s an old-school platformer without spikes?), and most irritating of all, these electric gates.



These gates can’t be destroyed. At all. Moreover, they’ll instantly activate once you get close to them. The only way to get through them is to slide through them before they can activate, which takes some really precision timing. You’ll probably fail most of your attempts and take hits in the process.

Oh, and there are also conveyor belts and these giant guns that you have to shoot off the ceiling.



But hey, at least the Jawas sometimes drop different powerups in addition to hearts to help you out. They might drop shields that can temporarily protect you from blasts, time limit extensions, or . . . er, point bonuses. Yeah, who gives a shit about points – those don’t really help you at all.

Eventually you’ll reach a room where you can time your jumps on dropping platforms to get a bunch of hearts and health extensions. Then you’ll jump on an elevator going down – but it takes you to the flowing sand, and you’d better jump off before you get to the sand because the sand automatically kills Luke . . . for some reason. Yeah, he grew up in the desert but flowing sand kills him. Maybe it’s those sand-hating genes he inherited from his father.

The boss of this level is a GIANT LAVA BEAST! Shit, since when do Jawas keep such dangerous creatures around?



But although he looks menacing, he’s not that hard if you stocked up on health in the last room and collected the two blaster powerups in this level. Just stand on the platform next to him, jump to avoid his lava attacks, and shoot him til he drops. Then you can go get R2.

Fun tidbit: in the cutscene of Leia’s message that follows, the Leia hologram actually flickers like in the movie. Unfortunately, if I try to take a screenshot, the Leia hologram won’t show up in it – probably has something to do with the flickering.

The next level is pure chaos. You’ve got to navigate the Tatooine caves (great, more caves) while fending off Jawas, Sandpeople, creatures that leave behind pools of sticky goo when you shoot them, bats, and of course, rocks that can crush you.



Oh, and that’s not all. A couple of time you have to precisely jump around tiny floating rocks, some of which can’t support your weight and will sink down once you step on them.



Fortunately, the level isn’t long, and when you reach Obi-Wan he’s . . . standing around with his head bowed like a monk. For some reason I find that hilarious.



But anyway, we get another nicely-rendered cutscene of Obi-Wan and Luke’s conversation.



Then they listen to Leia’s message, which is the same as it is in the movie except for one word – but it’s a rather important word that might potentially change things pretty dramatically.

In the movie, Leia says that Obi-Wan has to get R2 delivered to Bail on Alderaan, but here, she says to deliver R2 to Bail on . . . Yavin.

Now as we all know, in canon Bail died when Alderaan went kaboom, but if he’s on Yavin 4 here . . . does that mean Bail actually SURVIVES in this version of events??

Of course the game isn’t going to tell us, but it’s something to think about.

Anyway, after the message, Obi-Wan gives Luke Anakin’s lightsaber, so now you have two weapons you can switch between whenever you want. You’ll probably want to use the lightsaber most of the time, though, since the lightsaber gives you the best move in the game. Attack with the lightsaber while doing a somersaulting jump and you’ll basically become an unstoppable spinning attack blade.

Of course, we’ve still got to get to Mos Eisley, and even with the lightsaber, it won’t be an easy trip. Now Sandpeople are chasing Luke down relentlessly and oh yeah, we’ve got to fight BANTHAS.



The banthas also EXPLODE when you kill them. I guess the Sandpeople had explosives planted in their stomachs or something.

You’ll also never guess what this level’s boss is. Go ahead, take a guess.

Did you guess?

Okay, here it is.

A mutant womp rat.



Yes, a MUTANT womp rat. Womp rats usually aren’t very big, but this one apparently mutated and got huge. You’ll need to keep an eye on your health during this battle, but there are regular-sized womp rats that you can kill for a bit of extra health.

Next is another landspeeder level which is the same as the previous one, except now you have to shoot twenty Jawas. There also seem to be more environmental hazards this time around, but don’t quote me there. Anyway, shoot the Jawas and head towards Mos Eisley.

I think it might be time for a break. After all, we’re going to Mos Eisley, and that means you-know-who’s going to show up soon!

So, Luke’s in Egypt. Or the Death Star. Or the Egyptian Death Star. Or an acid trip. I’m starting to think that last one’s the most likely scenario. Anyway, let’s see what’s next in this insane-as-fuck game.

Well, you go through a few more rooms with some creatures and some spikes, but nothing too interesting. I’m noticing that the actual platforming in this game is kind of dull. Anyway, soon you run into Darth Vader. Again. So he’s not a scorpion anymore. Maybe he’ll turn into a mummy this time – it wouldn’t surprise me since we’re on Planet Egypt/Death Star/Whatever.



Oh no, Vader turning into a mummy on Planet Egypt would make too much sense (damn, that’s a sentence I never thought I’d say). No, instead he turns into a pterodactyl skeleton! No, I’m not making that up – here’s a pic to prove it.



This is starting to be a contender for “weirdest game I’ve ever played.” Luke says something in Japanese that I’m going to imagine is “Fuck, Dad, what was Palpatine ON when he created you??” Anyway, it’s the same basic battle as before – lightsaber Vader until he falls – except this time Pterodactyl Vader can fly around and dive-bomb you, which makes the one-hit deaths really annoying.

After the battle, you head back to Obi-Wan’s area and see that the electric whatever-they-ares that were holding him in place are gone now, so . . . I guess Luke rescued him? Do we leave the Egyptian temple or wherever the fuck we are now?



No, we still need to GET to Obi-Wan, and now we reach one of the most unfair sections I’ve ever seen in a game. See this room here? If you jump down any of these gaps, you’ll end up in another room full of spikes and you’ll land on the spikes and die.



The only way to get safely down is to climb down the ladder – which is barricaded by blocks you need to destroy. I COULD destroy them with the blaster, but the Pterodactyl Vader battle switched me back to the lightsaber, which doesn’t have enough range to destroy the blocks before Luke falls to his death. So how the fuck do I switch back to the blaster? As far as I can tell, you can’t – you have to go to the pause menu and select the picture of the lightsaber. Since I can’t speak Japanese, I had to go through every powerup in the pause menu until I learned that the little lightsaber picture causes the lightsaber to shoot projectiles (just go with it), so you jump carefully over to the little nook in the left-hand side and shoot those projectiles at the blocks without falling.

Maybe those crystals you collect boost the powerups on the start menu, I don’t know. Anyway, I rescue Obi-Wan and it looks like Luke is asking him out on a date.



I’ll imagine the Japanese text says “Ben, will you marry me?” Okay, any chance of getting back to the actual plot of A New Hope any time soon?

Outside the Egyptian temple thing, Luke can jump into a landspeeder that can bounce if you press A. It can run through stormtroopers, and you can make it go faster or slower, but it will still likely crash after thirty seconds because the controls for the thing are awkward as hell.



Moreover, when the thing crashes, Luke will likely land on an obstacle or enemy and die instantly. It took me a BUNCH of tries, but I finally made it to the end of the level, where the Falcon takes off again. So . . . I guess we weren’t on the Death Star – the Falcon apparently took a side trip to Planet Egypt because reasons. Anyway, we’re back in the Falcon. 3PO says something in Japanese that I’ll imagine is “I am C-3PO, your official drug-providing droid. Did you enjoy that trip?” We shoot some more TIEs and then the Falcon lands on . . . a sea planet? Hey, does anyone remember the DEATH STAR PLANS? Do those ring a bell?



Well, now Luke dons scuba gear and maybe he’s looking for the lost city of Atlantis – I wouldn’t put that past this game.



You swim around avoiding fish and spikes – by the way, when Luke dies underwater, he explodes into bubbles. I wish Jar Jar would show up – at least then I’d know I was playing a Star Wars game. The game developers seem to have forgotten that they were developing a Star Wars game. Hell, if it weren’t for the 8-bit Star Wars theme playing over and over, I think I’d forget I was playing a Star Wars game.

By the way, when did Luke learn to swim? He grew up on a freakin’ DESERT PLANET.

You know, I’m one of the few gamers in the world who doesn’t hate water levels. There are games like the Donkey Kong Country games and Super Mario 64 that make water levels beautifully atmospheric, but this . . . this is one of those water levels that makes me understand why most gamers hate water levels. The controls are wonky even by water level standards and all you do is swim around and avoid fish and spikes (and of course, one touch by an enemy or obstacle kills you).

Finally you reach Vader . . . underwater. Yes, Vader’s suit apparently allows him to breathe underwater. Well, let’s see what kind of fish he turns into.



Vader says something in Japanese that I’ll imagine is “Pathetic, THIS is how you rock the breathing apparatus!” and it’s time for an underwater lightsaber fight. A freakin’ UNDERWATER LIGHTSABER FIGHT, it should be awesome, but we have to remember what game we’re playing.

Welp, Vader turns into a shark this time around. Maybe this isn’t actually Vader who keeps shapeshifting – maybe it’s a Clawdite posing as Vader. Or maybe the game developers saw the version of Star Wars where Vader IS a Clawdite who can shapeshift into different animals. You guys remember that version of the movie, right?



Well, same story as before, lightsaber Vader Shark (do do do do do do) until he disappears, then you find 3PO trapped in those same electric fence things Obi-Wan was trapped in.



Okay, HOW THE FUCK did 3PO get himself captured on this sea planet or wherever the fuck we are? Did he jump out of the Falcon because he wanted to take a swim? Seriously, WHAT IS GOING ON? Are we EVER going to get to the Death Star or did the game developers forget that it exists?

3PO says something in Japanese that I’ll imagine is “No Master Luke, I have no idea what the game developers were on either,” then the Falcon takes off and you get a message from Leia . . . who looks like she’s twelve years old, and blonde.



Is anyone surprised at this point? The game developers clearly saw the version of the movie where Leia is a twelve-year-old girl and the Falcon went to Egypt and a sea planet on the way to Alderaan and Vader is a Clawdite. Makes perfect sense to me.

What’s Leia saying? I don’t know, maybe it’s “Comparing my hair to cinnamon rolls got old a long time ago.” But hey look, we FINALLY get to the Death Star! Nice of the game developers to remember that minor plot detail from the movie.



Well, after shooting some TIEs, the Falcon flies into the Death Star and we’re finally doing something that resembles the movie! Wow, imagine that!

Of course, the excitement wears off once we actually get into the level. This level requires you to take blind jumps off platforms and quickly steer yourself to the left or right while falling before a laser beam kills you. Oh boy, don’t you LOVE blind jumps? Isn’t it just GREAT to leap off a platform and not know if you’ll fall to your death?

Many of the paths also lead to dead ends with just some stormtroopers to fight. Oh, and there are spikes. LOTS of spikes. Yeah, this game took a page from the American version of the game and decorated the Death Star with spikes, and if you even touch the SIDE of the spikes you’re dead.

I am seriously lost, guys. I’ve been going through the same passages over and over and OVER. It might be time to go to GameFAQs.

Okay, I went to GameFAQ and apparently there’s a door you have to slash with your lightsaber. Yeah, even though you aren’t able to enter open doorways, you’re apparently supposed to figure out with the Force that you can slash through closed doors with two vertical lines on them.

Allow me to quote a much funnier video game reviewer than me.

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING????

You also run into green Boba Fett behind one of the doors.



And you FINALLY find Leia, who even in sprite form still looks twelve.



And oh look, she kisses Luke when you find her (and she’s blonde again). Did these game developers not see Return of the Jedi? Oh, why am I asking myself that – they didn’t even see A New Hope, yet alone Return of the Jedi. I’ll imagine those Japanese characters say “Oh wow, incest is so HOT!”



Oh, and they choose NOW to actually follow the movie – you have to lightsaber open the garbage grate to get into the trash compactor and battle the Dianoga. Course, knowing this game, maybe the Dianoga’s Vader.



After you slash the Dianoga, the walls start closing in, but thanks to the walkthrough, I know to open the start menu to select R2 and contact him to shut down the compactor.

Then there’s some more wandering around the Death Star. At a couple of points you have use Luke’s Force levitation, which I didn’t even know he had until I looked at the walkthrough. Anyway, I finally found Vader.



Anyone want to guess what kind of animal he’ll turn into this time? Well, let’s see. Maybe he’ll become a snake or a lion or something weird like a giant cockroach.

Okay, I’m fighting him, but he hasn’t turned into anything. Wait, what? Vader’s actually NOT going to turn into an animal? Weird.

Also, after you hit Vader once, none of your other hits will affect him until you contact Obi-Wan in the start menu. Yeah, you can TOTALLY figure that out without a walkthrough, thanks game.

Anyway, Obi-Wan says something that I’ll imagine is “I’m too lazy to battle Vader this time, so you do it” and you fight Vader. Of course, if he touches you once, you’re dead, so this battle can get frustrating. Best strategy I’ve found is to jump over him and lightsaber him while jumping.

Now it’s the same story as before – the Falcon takes off from the Death Star and now you get a message from Chewie . . . who apparently speaks Japanese.



This is also the first time that Chewie’s appeared in ANY of these NES Star Wars games, so that’s something.

Anyway, more TIE Fighters to shoot (do we have to shoot TIEs after EVERY level?), and I think it’s break time. Here’s another Star Wars song parody.