Liesel Plays Star Wars Games

Welcome back to Super Return of the Jedi! Now that we’ve played Wicket for a few levels, it’s time to go back to our normal heroes. We begin the next level with Luke telling Leia about their heritage.



Luke is the only playable character in the next level – he’s going off to turn himself in. Now it’s nighttime on Endor and it’s PRETTY!



I especially like how you can see the Death Star in the background. It also feels good to be a spinning death machine again with Luke’s lightsaber, though of course the level still doesn’t make things easy. You’ve got to jump and jump again on these movie platforms and if you miss, you hit the moving wheel-thing and lose health.



And of course, it doesn’t get easier when you get to the top and find yourself surrounded by stormtroopers, electrocuting walls, and laser turrets. But hey, it’s a nice bridge.



This level is a MAZE, going from bridge to forest to bridge and up and down moving platforms. You’ll probably find yourself running into dead ends, but at least there are plenty of hearts around.

Also, Luke sometimes shrugs when he stands idle, but it’s not as awesome as Han’s shrug, of course.



And I don’t know why, but I found these blue lights pretty funny.



After riding a lot of moving platforms, it will suddenly get darker and you’ll run into the boss.



Those two droids look menacing, but the actual boss is the ship, so that’s what you’ve gotta focus on slicing up. If you have the Heal Force-skill selected and use that when necessary, the ship should go down without too much trouble.

And hey look, finally Lando gets to do something in one of these games!



Not gonna lie, this next level’s kind of awkward. It’s yet another one of those shoot-TIEs vehicle levels, but instead of being in the cockpit, the camera’s positioned on TOP of the Falcon.



You’ve got to rotate the camera to rotate the Falcon’s top gun and shoot a certain number of TIEs. Yeah, at the time this would have been impressive to see, but now it just feels weird. Fortunately, it’s not a long level, and then we go back to Endor.



Gah, what’s with the lighting in that picture? It’s like the bunker’s sepia-toned. Anyway, if you pick Leia for this level, she’ll be in her fighting garb – and she can finally use a blaster!



Maybe the game developers wanted to make up for her not being playable in the previous two games by granting her the honor of being the only playable character with THREE different outfits in the same game. Anyway, I just wanted to show you that. After I took this screenshot, I reloaded my save state and picked my beloved Han.

The bunker is of course full of stuff that wants to murder you, but that’s to be expected by now. Stormtroopers, electric fences, hostile droids, and lots of gun turrets. Funny thing, when you shoot one of the big guns, it sits there smoking until you leave.



Once again, you’ve got a shit-ton of moving platforms to ride and while you’re riding you pass by cannons that shoot fire at you because why not? The Empire really, REALLY doesn’t want you here. You’ll also run into these annoying walls that you have to shoot through. Hopefully you’ll have found some blaster powerups by the time you get to them.



If you manage to get through the maze of moving platforms and enemies, you’ll find a speed powerup that sends you going SUPER fast, which is hilarious to watch, but it doesn’t protect you from getting hurt. Finally you’ll find yourself standing on one of those destructible floors with a convenient arrow showing you what to do.



After blasting through the floor, you’ll find yourself spinning around on a giant wheel.



You spin Han right round baby, right round, like a record baby, right round, right round . . . oops, did I say that out loud? Well, Han actually gets sent off on a whole SERIES of wheels, each of which has a big gun in the middle that you have to take out and a helpful arrow showing you which way to go.



After the maze of wheels, guess what, you’re in a maze of TOWERS. Enter a tower and it transports you to another tower, always guarded by enemies – though you can use the respawning enemies to your advantage if you keep killing them and collecting the hearts they drop.



And guess what? After the towers, you get . . . MORE WHEELS! It’s almost like the Empire doesn’t want you to blow up the shield generator or something!

You think that’s enough? Of COURSE it’s not enough! Then you run down a hallway where there periodically shoot GIANT LASERS that electrocute you like there’s no tomorrow – in addition to smaller laser gates that ALSO electrocute you. Fortunately, if you manage to get through it alive, there’s a large heart and a blaster powerup waiting for you, but getting through the hallway alive is a challenge. Hopefully you have full health when you start.

The boss is – you guessed it – the shield generator itself. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a screenshot, but this thing looks super-menacing with a GIANT LASER, and you’ve got to fight it WHILE hopping around on constantly moving platforms. Fortunately, it’s really vulnerable to Han’s grenades, so if you’ve stocked up a bunch of them, it shouldn’t be too hard.

Well, now that the shield is down, it’s time to join Luke inside the Death Star to confront Vader and Palpatine. We’re almost at the end!

I shouldn’t even have to say at this point that everyone and everything in the Death Star want you dead. The stormtroopers and hostile droids apparently didn’t get the memo about how Vader wants to turn Luke to the dark side. Anyway, after fighting your way through a wave of enemies, you’ve got to jump your way through these platforms.



Looks simple, but most of them SINK DOWN as soon as you step on them, so you’ve got to have lightning-fast jumping. Also, as you jump up, you’ll be able to collect LOTS of health swords than increase your maximum heath. While that may seem like a blessing, that’s also a sign that you’ll NEED them.

Like for example, you’ll need them for . . . THESE things.



These droids are huge, they’re relentless, and they take a billion hits to kill. Make sure you have full health and the Heal Force skill selected and pray that you’re faster than them. Fortunately, they end the level. Now it’s time to join Lando on the Falcon again.



This is one of those simple “shoot X number of enemies” vehicle levels, with some nice Mode-7 to boot.



You’ve got to fly around the Death Star’s surface and shoot twenty TIEs before they get you. Fortunately, most of them drop hearts when you kill them, so this level shouldn’t be too hard. Afterwards, it’s finally time for Luke to face Emperor Palpatine himself.



Palpatine’s theme sounds nice and creepy in its 16-bit rendition too. Anyway, even though Palpatine just talked to Luke, since this is a video game, Luke still needs to get to the throne room. Compared to some of the other levels, it’s not too too hard to get through – the way is pretty straightforward and the enemies are numerous but manageable, especially since there are big hearts placed fairly frequently.

Of course, there are still a bunch of elevators to ride and a bunch of tiny platforms to hop on – and wherever there’s a door, it’s guaranteed that an endless wave of stormtroopers will come out.



You’ve got to keep going up, and up, and UP – Palpatine’s throne room is at the tippy-top of this seemingly-endless tower, but you feel a rush while doing so since you’re so close to victory.

Eventually you’ve got to face ANOTHER one of those giant droids. Oh crap.



You can’t outrun it, either – it will just keep following you. Your only choice is to kill it. Yeah, good luck with that. The level doesn’t end after you kill it, either. Instead you go a little ways forward, hear Palpatine cackle in the distance, and run into one of his guards.



Why is the guard’s robe purple instead of red? Did the programmers decide it fit better with the level’s color scheme? Ah well, the important thing is that it’s not hard to kill. THAT’S the end of the level, and woo boy, we’re almost there! Almost there!

Now Luke needs to face more guards – and now they’re in their proper red robes, so I don’t know why that one guy was wearing purple. Maybe he’s a rogue guard or something.



The guards will jump you REALLY fast and they can slide from side to side in the blink of an eye, so you have to be on your toes. You can slice open the little containers that look like trash cans and hope they have refills of your Force meter, because you’ll REALLY need that Heal skill to face . . . DARTH VADER HIMSELF!



His fighting pattern is pretty similar to his pattern in the ESB game – he’ll jump up in the air, land, then start swinging his lightsaber around. Keep swinging at him and keep healing and he’ll go down.



Of course, then Palpatine starts taunting Luke and Luke snaps out of it, which means now you’ve got to fight the mighty Emperor himself.



As you can imagine, Palpatine is a bitch to beat. He flies through the air shooting lightning in all directions. You’d BETTER heal whenever you’re low on health or you’re doomed. You’d also BETTER not waste those Force power refills in those trash can things. Moreover, his lightning can even zap holes in the floor that you can fall through. If he zaps enough, you won’t have anywhere to stand. It takes quite a few tries, but MAN, is it satisfying when you finally beat him. Oh YEAH, take that, Sidious! Fall down that shaft only to be reincarnated thirty years later!



Of course, then poor Anakin’s got to die too.



But the game’s not over yet. We’ve still got to blow up the second Death Star, remember? Now it’s time to go inside the Death Star in a 3-D Mode-7 perspective. It’s pretty neat, but unfortunately, the emulator I’m using is causing the screen to flicker every few seconds, so I can’t provide a screenshot. It’s still playable, though, and it’s still neat to see something so ambitious. This level is extremely straightforward – just fly through the Death Star while shooting TIEs. Of course, once you’ve hit the core, then you’ve gotta get out before the thing blows.



Here it is. The LAST level. It’s just like the previous level – except everything’s on fire and the fire’s going to catch up to you unless you’re super-fast. I’ve got the same screen-flickering issue as in the previous level, so no screenshots.You’ve gotta hold down B and try not to collide with anything or touch any of the explosions and it’s GODDAMN HARD.

In fact, I have a confession to make.

I used a cheat code.

Yeah . . . I used an infinite health cheat code to get through the level because I was so goddamn frustrated. I made my way through the previous games without resorting to cheat codes, but this one BROKE me.

But anyway, the Death Star blew up and we get fireworks and a party (why does Luke look like part of his neck got chopped off?).



And a few friends joined the party from beyond the grave!



(Not a word about how Lucasfilm WAH RUINED THE ENDING BY PUTTING HAYDEN IN – this was long before that anyway.)

Also, HOLY SHIT YOU SEE PALPATINE BEHIND THE CREDITS AND HEAR HIS CACKLING DURING THEM! That proves it! The game developers saw into the future and KNEW that Episode 9 would bring him back! It was all planned!



Or that’s what I’d say if I were a conspiracy theorist. Anyway, this was an awesome conclusion to an awesome game trilogy. It’s still hard-as-nails and someday I WILL try to beat that last level without using a cheat code, but the environments are beautiful, the gameplay is challenging but fair (except the last level), you can play FIVE characters, and like the previous two games, it screams Star Wars through and through.

RATING: 4.5 out of 5.

Now, we’re going to be doing something a little different. I know I’ve been playing these games somewhat chronologically so far, but now we’re breaking with that and skipping ahead a few years. Why? Because Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga comes out on May 31st and I think there’s no better time to reflect on the awesomeness that is the Lego Star Wars games.

Yup, join me soon for Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga.

Yeah yeah, it’s been a while, but I’ve been busy with real life and playing other games. Anyway, it’s time to complete the SNES trilogy with Super Return of the Jedi.



While this one isn’t as insanely impossible as the previous installment, it’s still pretty damn tough (it wouldn’t be a Super Star Wars game if it wasn’t). But anyway, let’s dive in and see what kind of madness the final Super Star Wars game has in store for us.

In addition to the expected movie poster, Salacious Crumb – you know, Jabba’s annoying little pet – is on the main menu screen and he’ll giggle at you until you start the game. Not sure if that’s a neat feature or an annoyance.

Well, we have our expected 16-bit opening crawl and nicely-rendered cutscene, complete with Vader’s awesome breathing.



But then we get something unexpected as the game deviates from the movie a tiny bit. Our first level is a vehicle level of the gang going to rescue Han in a landspeeder. I mean, that’s probably something that happened in canon anyway, but it’s kind of weird to begin the game before the movie actually begins.

Oh, and I love the cutscene’s lighting. Look at that – isn’t that pretty?



Anyway, the level itself doesn’t have any enemies, but it has plenty of rocks to steer around. You’ve also got to jump over bottomless pits because yeah, it totally makes sense to choose the route filled with bottomless pits when going to rescue your friend.



Also, if you pay attention, you’ll notice that the scene gradually gets lighter as the level progresses and the suns rise. Pretty neat effect there – I love it when retro games throw in little touches like that.

Unlike in the previous two games, where you could only play as Luke at the beginning and other characters became available later, this time you can actually choose your character for the first platforming level. And looky looky, we can FINALLY play Leia! It’s about freakin’ time!



Of course her character selection pic is of her in the bikini because bikini. Anyway, since we haven’t gotten to play Leia before, let’s pick her now.



And wow, 16-bit Leia is a BADASS. She can jump around like a maniac and become a somersaulting force of destruction. Course, that doesn’t make the enemies any less numerous – we have Jawas, enemy droids, giant ant things, falling rocks and stalactites, and numerous other creatures, including these annoying pterodactyl things than can pick you up and drop you down.

You’ll also notice Rebellion symbols all over the place. They weren’t good for anything but points in the ESB game, but in this game, they function like coins in the Mario games – for every hundred you collect, you get an extra life.

You also hear Leia’s actual voice grunting when she gets hit, which is neat at first, but given how many times you get hit in these games, it starts to get grating after a while. I think it’s the grunt she gives when Jabba waggles his tongue at her (yeah, you know you’re a geek when you can identify grunts).

Reach the palace and you reach the boss. Remember that doorman droid from the movie that laughed at 3PO? Well, it’s gotten HUGE!



And to add insult to injury, the thing can electrocute you, showing off your skeleton to the world. I wasn’t able to get a screenshot of that, but it’s pretty funny. In any case, this battle takes a LOT of patience since it takes a billion hits to kill but it can of course drain your health in just a few hits. You pretty much have to look for opportunities to strike and hope it doesn’t strike you. To think this is the FIRST boss battle of the game. Han had better appreciate what Leia goes through for him.

Well, you definitely get a sense of accomplishment when the thing finally explodes. Now we’ve got to fight our way through Jabba’s palace. Similar to the Mos Eisley Cantina level in the ANH game, you’ve got to kill all the enemies in a screen before you can advance. And ho boy, are there enemies. Jawas, Gammorrian Guards, Salacious Crumb, even Twi’lek dancers. Yup, you’re killing Jabba’s sex slaves.

Also, there are these huge creatures that grab you by the throat and won’t let go.



And as if that wasn’t enough, there are trap doors that can kill you instantly if you step on them – and they bribe you by putting powerups like giant hearts or health swords on top of them. It’s sooooo hard to turn down those desperately-needed items.

Ah, but look, there’s frozen Han! Your love’s here to save you, Han! Oh right, but first you have to defeat the boss, Bib Fortuna . . . at least I THINK that’s Bib Fortuna, but he’s somehow developed the ability to shoot lasers out of his lekku . . . and the ability to teleport. Yeah, some things you just don’t question in video games.



At first it seems like this battle would be impossible with Leia since her staff can only do close-range attacks (don’t ask why she didn’t bring her blaster), BUT, you can press Y to put her in a defensive stance and her staff will deflect Bib’s laser blasts back at him.

By the way, I love how Jabba just sits in the background and watches the battle.

After you show Bib who’s boss, then Leia wakes Han up. YAY!



For some reason, you can only play as Luke or Chewie in the next level. Maybe it’s because Han’s currently blind and Leia’s currently chained to Jabba. Anyway, I’ll pick Chewie. It looks like his fighting his way through the rancor pit, or maybe the dungeon. Wherever it is, it’s sure dark.



Yeah, it’s the dungeon – you go past all these cell doors and sometimes prisoners will reach through the bars. Creepy.



And woo man, this place is a MAZE. In addition to the enemies lurking around everywhere, you’ve got to navigate your way through a convoluted mess of tunnels, conveyor belts, moving platforms, and spikes (what’s an old-school platformer without spikes?). Oh, and take a look at THIS.



You’ve got to land VERY precise jumps on those tiny platforms or the giant spikes will kill you. Isn’t this game so kind?

And were you expecting the boss to be the rancor? Well, you’re wrong – instead it’s this giant purple frog-thing that can spawn smaller frog-things out of its mouth. Yes, it belches out its babies.



The battle looks intimidating, but it’s actually super-easy because the baby frogs drop hearts when you kill them. So yeah, shoot down as many of those newborns as you can while also shooting the boss and you’ll be victorious in no time.

Well now Luke arrives at the palace . . . even though you could play him in all the previous levels. I mean, I didn’t, but I could have.



Anyway, NOW you can play Han, even though he’s still supposed to be blind and in the dungeon. Ah well, who cares – let’s play my HAN!!

The rancor pit is gross – and convoluted, and absolutely infested with enemies. Gammorian guards, bats, plants spewing spores, craters spewing lava, those baby frog-like creatures, and bones. Lots and lots of bones.



Weirdly enough, Han also grunts when he gets hit, but his grunt sounds nothing like Han’s actual voice. Why did they use a movie grunt for Leia but just a generic one for Han? Couldn’t they have gotten one of Han’s grunts from the movies? And why am I talking so much about grunts?

Oh, Han also does his trademark shrug (that his son would later inherit) when he stands idle. HA!



Or sometimes he might work on his blaster.



What, you think I’m obsessed with Han? Whatever gave you that idea?

Anyway, this level is frustrating as shit. Why? THOSE DAMN BATS! They keep following you around, swooping in with erratic patterns that make them difficult to shoot, and they don’t drop hearts when killed – and if the bats don’t get you, the mini volcanos that spew out bits of lava will. So yeah, you can lose health really quickly and Han can find himself dead long before his son can stab him.

Oh, and you’ll also run into mini rancors. I’m not kidding.



In fact, compared to the rest of the level, the actual Rancor boss is a wimp. He’s huge, sure, but he goes down super-fast if you use grenades. (Sorry about there being no screenshot – I actually beat him on my first try, can you believe that?) Anyway, time for the sail barge.



Huh, the skiff is a lot smaller than I remember it in the movie.



Yeah, in this level you have to jump from skiff to skiff while avoiding the enemies and taking care not to fall off the skiff to instant death . . . cause the sand is poisonous or something. It’s best to just run and jump as fast as you can, since the enemies take several shots to kill and they can electrocute you in the meantime. And look, I actually got a screenshot of Han’s skeleton blinking into sight when he gets electrocuted. Happy Halloween.



Then when you get to the sail barge, you have to deal with Gammorian Guards, tiny platforms, moving platforms, and spikes that pop up under your feet. You know, typical stuff for these games.

You know what, I think I was wrong. I think this game actually IS as hard as the ESB game. For one thing, in the previous two Super Star Wars game, you could keep your blaster upgrades until you died, but in this one, you lose them as soon as you start a new level.

In fact, I committed blasphemy after I reached the level’s first checkpoint and died for the millionth time.

I switched from Han to Luke.



And well, Luke does make the level easier since he can jump around while lightsabering everything in his path, which comes in handing when the bounty hunters start swarming in. Also, he’s got a cool sprite, and when he grunts, he sounds like himself.

Anyway, up, up, up you go through the platforming maze of death. Who’s the boss, you might wonder. Is it Boba Fett? Naw, Han took him out without even meaning to. Nope, it’s . . . this thing.



I’m sure it has a name, but I don’t know what it is and I don’t feel like looking up “tentatcled gorilla reptile thing” on Wookieepedia. Anyway, like all these bosses, he’s got a shit-ton of health, but if you stay at the far left-hand side of the screen, he can only hit you with his ball-and-chain thing. So stay there, lightsaber him like crazy, and he’ll go down.

Anyway, I think this is as good a time as any for a break. See you next time! Here’s Duel of the Fates, Halloween style!